It has been a rough few days. As we try to dig our way out of this pit of unanswered questions, the hardest part for us is the not knowing why. 4 years of trying to grow our family – 3 IUIs, 2 IVF’s, and lots of trying naturally and still no baby. John and I are both reproductively healthy. UGG.
Let me start by saying that I am a FIRM believer that everything happens for a reason and that God only gives us as much as we can handle. But man – it sure is HARD when our plan and God’s plan aren’t the same. I am just not sure what to make of this whole thing.
Here are answers to some questions you are asking.
- Will you have to have a DNC? – I doubt it, I haven’t starting bleeding yet and I was only 5 weeks so my body should take care of it on its own.
- Do they know what happened? No – we have no answers – and probably won’t ever get any.
- Will you do IVF again? Yes we will try once more in January.
- What about adoption? I would LOVE to adopt but we are BLESSED that insurance covers 90% of our infertility treatments (up to 3 IVFs) and ZERO for adoption. So we are going to exaust all fertility treatment options before moving on to adoption. But YES, we will research adoption if we are unsuccessful in January.
- How did Sarah take the news? She was SOOOOOOO sweet. When they Dr office called with the bad news… I was A MESS, crying hysterically. She asked me what was wrong and I told her the baby died. She was gone for a few minutes and came back with a drawing of me holding a baby. I said “Sarah, there is no baby” she said “ I know mommy but it is what you always wished for” She was sad with me and kept saying she wanted a brother or sister. All day I couldn’t stop hugging her. She told me she loved me all the way to the top of her heart. I love that girl
- How is John? He doesn’t know what to think. Angry there are no answers. Just wants to figure out the next steps. Really wants a sibling for Sarah and a another child for us to love. We are just supporting each other through this.
Thanks everyone, for everything!