A new day

It has been a rough few days. As we try to dig our way out of this pit of unanswered questions, the hardest part for us is the not knowing why. 4 years of trying to grow our family – 3 IUIs, 2 IVF’s, and lots of trying naturally and still no baby. John and I are both reproductively healthy. UGG.

Let me start by saying that I am a FIRM believer that everything happens for a reason and that God only gives us as much as we can handle. But man – it sure is HARD when our plan and God’s plan aren’t the same. I am just not sure what to make of this whole thing.

Here are answers to some questions you are asking.

• Will you have to have a DNC? – I doubt it, I haven’t starting bleeding yet and I was only 5 weeks so my body should take care of it on its own.
• Do they know what happened? No – we have no answers – and probably won’t ever get any.
• Will you do IVF again? Yes we will try once more in January.
• What about adoption? I would LOVE to adopt but we are BLESSED that insurance covers 90% of our infertility treatments (up to 3 IVFs) and ZERO for adoption. So we are going to exaust all fertility treatment options before moving on to adoption. But YES, we will research adoption if we are unsuccessful in January.
• How did Sarah take the news? She was SOOOOOOO sweet. When they Dr office called with the bad news… I was A MESS, crying hysterically. She asked me what was wrong and I told her the baby died. She was gone for a few minutes and came back with a drawing of me holding a baby. I said “Sarah, there is no baby” she said “ I know mommy but it is what you always wished for” She was sad with me and kept saying she wanted a brother or sister. All day I couldn’t stop hugging her. She told me she loved me all the way to the top of her heart. I love that girl
• How is John? He doesn’t know what to think. Angry there are no answers. Just wants to figure out the next steps. Really wants a sibling for Sarah and a another child for us to love. We are just supporting each other through this.

We are so THANKFUL and know how overwhelmingly blessed we are so have Sarah. She brings us so much happiness (and headaches – LOL) and I never knew you could love someone so much. So through all of this we do not lose site in that. There is so much to be grateful for!

Since we are talking about Sarah, look at there cute pics I took of her the other day! They make me smile. I created this Layout for this week’s Scrapping the music challenge.

Thanks everyone, for everything!

Connect my dots

Been a Crazy weekend so far. Yesterday of course I stated my Day off at the DR (I will summarize at the end). Then John and I took Sarah and my Niece and Nephew to see Aliens in the Attic. Which I will say was Okay at best. Then we came back here and the kids had a sleepover (so it was a late night). I LOVE that our families live so close and Sarah is able to grow up with all of her cousins… Did you know that both of my parents are only children so I don’t have any 1^st cousins.. Weird huh?

Today started with another Dr appt which went well. Then the highlight of the Day was Teresa Collins at my LSS Ruban Rouge. I got to spend the day with her!

Well me and 37 of my other classmates. We made a Friendship Album and a Recipe book (No pics yet). Teresa was so sweet. I don’t know how she does it all. She literally got off a CRUISE SHIP at the Port of Tampa after a week of being on vacation and came right to the store to teach all day classes! She brought one of her daughter’s, Taylor, who was as cute as she could be!

The IVF process is so much quicker this time. I know its cause I am on a different protocol this time but things are going great. My shots have been uneventful.. Except for the connect the dots game on my belly. Pardon my hands, they have permanent ink on them that I can't get off just yet!

I am getting really excited and anxious. They say everything is progressing nicely and that if I keep on this path that my egg aspiration will most likely be on Wednesday! WHOA!!! After my appt today, I was instructed to decrease my meds and go back in the morning (tomorrow will be the fifth day in a row) Here were my Dr Stats from yesterday and today:

Friday: Estrogen 925. Left Ovary – 16mm, 11mm and 4 other small ones. Right Ovary – 14mm, 11mm, 11mm 5 smaller ones. 5 units Lupron twice a day, 300 Gonal F, 1 Menapur,

Saturday: Estrogen 1324. Left Ovary – 16mm, 14mm and 4 other small ones. Right Ovary – 15mm, 13mm, 13mm, 11mm, 11mm and 3 smaller ones, 5 units Lupron twice a day, 225 Gonal F, 1 Menapur

Have a great weekend everyone! Thanks for taking a peek into my life!

Phew, I'm back.

You know.. I love technology but when it decides to bite you in the ass it really SUCKS. I was without Internet all last night.. my PRIME browsing, updating, blogging, and commenting time of the day. UGG. Seriously, how can being OFFLINE for only 14 hours cripple me so much. It took me all morning but I was a genius and fixed it myself. oh yea, don't be jealous, I can scrap, give myself shots AND set up a new wireless home network. Don't hate peeps, don't hate. Like I say... Jack of ALL trades.. Master of NONE! - LOL!

So my ultrasound appointment went "as to be expected". That is what they told me anyways. So after 4 days on STIM drugs, I have 6 follicles on each ovary and my Estrogen level was 318. They told me this is an improvement over my last IVF cycle (last time after 5 days of STIM meds my Estrogen was only 39) The follicles are all still under 12MM so they don't start measuring yet. My enometrium looks FAB (I can't remember the number, does 10 sound right?). . My instructions were to continue Lupron 5 units twice a day, 375 Gonal-F, and 1 vial Menapur for 2 nights. I go back for another (excuse my french) - dildo cam and bloodwork on Friday morning to check progress.

I got so much done yesterday in general... went to the doctor, went to Publix. Watched Kelly's boys all day (from 10a -4:30p) while she is gallivanting around CHA. Made the Pioneer Woman's Chicken spaghetti, watched So you think you can Dance and enjoyed having Suzie and Kevin to come over to watch it with us. I love days like that. When Kelly's 2 year old was taking his nap, it was rough trying to keep Sarah and Jackson from being wild.. but we all managed with a little Tom and Jerry and handheld video games. Here there are as cute as can be!

Distress me!

WOW. That is all I can say about Tim Holtz. Not only is he amazingly talented he is super nice. I was SOOOOOOOOOO fortunate to get to attend his Patchwork Pandemonium class. The only thing I regret was not signing up for the other class he taught. People drove all the way from Savannah and Miami to attend. I mean really, it was a big deal. This guy ROCKS. We learned so many neat inking and distressing techniques in the class. It is amazing what we accomplished in a short 4 hours. Here is what we made (I am not quiet finished embellishing it yet)

Each of those patchwork pieces was made with Grungeboard (Grungeboard is gray, pliable synthetic material, similar to soft rawhide) and EACH one was embellished and inked and distressed by ME J FUN! I am not quiet finished embellishing but here is a look at my almost finished piece. Here is a look at some work in progress:

And some close-ups of the details:

On the IVF front, I am still taking my “Stimulation” medication and will continue to do so until my next Dr. Appt on Wed morning at 7:15am. I am beginning to feel like a pin cushion but it’s all good – this is the easy part. I am feeling a bit nervous this go around since they will be putting 3 embryos back this time instead of the two they did last time. I just keep telling myself that even though they put in 2 last time we ended up with ZERO babies so I suppose I should look at it that way. But HOLY MOLY if we end u p having triplets I will calling in ALL favors from ALL of you cause I am not exactly sure how we would do it. But we would, and it would be FANTASTIC! I know Sarah will be a super big sister no matter how many babies we have. I am so looking forward to her help the most.

Big Hugs to all!

The beginning

The beginning. The beginning of shots, the beginning of doctor visits, the beginning of being so uncomfortable because of my HUGE ovaries. The beginning of hope , the beginning of happiness, the beginning of LIFE.

It took awhile for us to get to this point, to be ready to go through the emotional toll that the IVF process takes on us. But I am so ready, WE are so ready! Ready to get this started AND get this over with. I am so excited for the upcoming weeks that it will be hard to focus on much else… but I will. Things are good.

Yesterday was the Baseline Doctor appt (bloodwork and Ultrasound). Everything looked good so I got the go ahead to start the meds. My first med is called Lupron which keeps me from ovulating. I took one injection last night and 2 today. Tomorrow I will add the injection medications Menopur and Gonal-F which will stimulate my ovaries and “beef” them up. So that means 4 shots a day until Wednesday when I go back to the Doctor for them to check my progress.

The shots are actually really easy (at least these ones). They are small needles that I take in my stomach. I barely feel them. So far the only side effect I have had from the Lupron is hot flashes… so crazy. One minute you are fine the next minute you feel like you stepped out of a sauna.

On a scrap note, I am so excited to be going to my local scrapbook store Rubon Rouge tomorrow to take a class from the FAB Tim Holtz. I am really lucky and honored to have the opportunity to take one of his classes. I will post pics of the project when I complete it.

I have been scrapping a lot more lately.. my MOJO has been flowing! Here is a recent layout I did of Sarah and her friend Allana (you can see her Mom’s Blog Run DMT here)

Thanks for stopping by. I will keep you posted on my progress.