A new day

It has been a rough few days. As we try to dig our way out of this pit of unanswered questions, the hardest part for us is the not knowing why. 4 years of trying to grow our family – 3 IUIs, 2 IVF’s, and lots of trying naturally and still no baby. John and I are both reproductively healthy. UGG.

Let me start by saying that I am a FIRM believer that everything happens for a reason and that God only gives us as much as we can handle. But man – it sure is HARD when our plan and God’s plan aren’t the same. I am just not sure what to make of this whole thing.

Here are answers to some questions you are asking.

• Will you have to have a DNC? – I doubt it, I haven’t starting bleeding yet and I was only 5 weeks so my body should take care of it on its own.
• Do they know what happened? No – we have no answers – and probably won’t ever get any.
• Will you do IVF again? Yes we will try once more in January.
• What about adoption? I would LOVE to adopt but we are BLESSED that insurance covers 90% of our infertility treatments (up to 3 IVFs) and ZERO for adoption. So we are going to exaust all fertility treatment options before moving on to adoption. But YES, we will research adoption if we are unsuccessful in January.
• How did Sarah take the news? She was SOOOOOOO sweet. When they Dr office called with the bad news… I was A MESS, crying hysterically. She asked me what was wrong and I told her the baby died. She was gone for a few minutes and came back with a drawing of me holding a baby. I said “Sarah, there is no baby” she said “ I know mommy but it is what you always wished for” She was sad with me and kept saying she wanted a brother or sister. All day I couldn’t stop hugging her. She told me she loved me all the way to the top of her heart. I love that girl
• How is John? He doesn’t know what to think. Angry there are no answers. Just wants to figure out the next steps. Really wants a sibling for Sarah and a another child for us to love. We are just supporting each other through this.

We are so THANKFUL and know how overwhelmingly blessed we are so have Sarah. She brings us so much happiness (and headaches – LOL) and I never knew you could love someone so much. So through all of this we do not lose site in that. There is so much to be grateful for!

Since we are talking about Sarah, look at there cute pics I took of her the other day! They make me smile. I created this Layout for this week’s Scrapping the music challenge.

Thanks everyone, for everything!

Creative Juices

hey've been a-flowin' lately. Here are a few Layouts I have dome the last few days:

This one was for the Studio Calico Kit for August Over the rainbow.

This next one was a Challenge over on the Studio Calico Blog. You could only use 5 products: 1 piece of Patterned paper, metal, paint, bakers twine or floss, letter stickers (plus a card stock base and pen or computer).

Here is my take on the challenge:

You would think I work for Studio Calico - but no, I just {heart} them so much that their kits are usually the first thing I go for when I scrap these days.

Tomorrow is BETA #1, I can't wait to share the news with you.. so stay tuned, I will chat with you tomorrow!

Last night I went out to a great local restaurant with 16 fabulous woman for our Mystery Mom Reveal Party. You know who my Mystery Mom was?? The fabulous Nicole:

and she was SO good to me. Let me explain the Mystery Mom program. Here is the description that is on our Mom’s group website:

Interested in getting spoiled by a fellow member, doing the same for someone else and doing it all anonymously? Then Mystery Mom is perfect for you! You will be assigned a mom to spoil and a mom will be assigned to you to fill your days will happiness. Guidelines for Participation

* Send at least one email per week (You will create a special mystery mom email.)
* Send something Via mail or delivery at least once a week
* Spend at least $5 but NO MORE than $10 per week on your Mystery Mom (final gift to be valued at $20)
* Communicate with the Mystery Mom that is assigned to you, when she does something nice for you let her know you appreciate it!* Remain anonymous
* Have fun. Get Spoiled. Be spoiled. Learn about other moms in the group. It was so much fun!

Over the six weeks, Nicole got me some pretty fantastic stuff. I think my 2 favorites were the homemade key lime cheesecake and the card with the $10 drinking money in it because she knew I was going out that night! My final gift was a gift card to my LSS Ruban Rouge where I will GLADLY go spend every penny! Thanks Nicole – You rock. If you live near Tampa, she makes a mean cupcake and has a great little business going on check her out,

Cupcakes by Nicole!

The lovely lady I got to spoil was Deanna (that's her on the left and me on the right) -I had such a BLAST! I think my favorite thing I got her was Her final gift. It was this cool necklace that I got from Tiny Tokens Designs on Etsy! I think she loved it

ME:

Lots of people are asking how I am feeling.... Today I actually feel great but Sunday night through last night I had a MAJOR headache.. the kind that makes you nauseous - it wasn't a migraine but it was pretty close. I felt so yucky. I took Tylenol since that is all I am allowed to take but really the only thing that works for me is Advil so I suffered through. Other than that I feel fine - just WAY tired. I am still taking those LOVELY Progesterone shots in my butt with that 1 1/2 inch needle (don't be jealous). Friday is my BETA and I am counting down the hours! T minus 47 hours to go.

** photos from the evening courtesy of Denise (run DMT)

PLEASE do not try this at home.

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1DP5DT UPDATE (that means 1 day post 5 day transfer) Yesterday’s transfer went just lovely. I took a valium so to say I was relaxed is an understatement! The only part that was a little sad for me was that out of our 8.. Only 3 made it to day 5 – which is great since that is all we wanted to put it. But their grading wasn’t the greatest either. Since they are Blasocysts, the grading system is different and harder for me to understand what it all means if you feel like reading up on it, you can do so here. But our 3 were graded like this, 2BA, 2CB, 1CC.. So not the best but still totally viable! So we continue to pray, pray and pray some more, and we would love it if you would too! We got home about 9:45 yesterday morning and I proceeded to Sleep ALL DAY. Seriously, the Valium knocked me out! Then I slept through the night with no problems and that brings me to today. I feel great.. Refreshed and ready to wait until the 21st for my BETA Prego test.

What I am about to say may be hazzardess to your well being, sanity and overall health – but not mine because I am a FREAK – OCD, worry wart and this actually makes it easier on me.. But please, don’t try this at home! I PEE ON A STICK EVERY DAY! I know you are SOOO not supposed to for sanity purposes. The Trigger shot that I took 3 days before the egg aspiration is the pregnancy hormone HCG – that hormone stays in your system for a little while (7-14 days). Stay with me here people…. If you start POAS before the HCG shot is out of your system you will get a positive test. SOOO, I test until I see a negative (that way I know it’s gone) Then if the test turns positive again then I know I am Prego (for that moment at least). It has been 7 days since my HCG shot and my first POAS result was negative which means it is out of my system.. Every morning I will pee on my stick with the hopes of 2 lines!

SCRAPPY - Here are a few layouts I have done the last few days. The first one was for a Challenge over at BASB . The challenge was to use a peice of memorabilia on your page.

The LO was for a challenge that Heidi Sonobol posted over at Studio Calico. You had to use 7 or more photos on pne page.

Thanks for reading my LONG and winding post.. I will keep you posted on my POAS results!