Tuesday, August 25, 2009

House of Pain

Today ranks up there as one of the worstdays ever. My BETA test was 39 today. No viable baby growing inside me. I expect to miscarry/get my period any day now. There was nothing that could have prepared me for the emotions that struck me when I hung up the phone from the Dr's office. Devastation. Heartbreak. Anger. The hardest part is not knowing why. Seriously, 3 embryos transferred and we walk away with ZERO children. I DON'T UNDERSTAND. John and I sit here angry, sad and confused. I will update more over the next few days but for now..... I think I'll have a beer.

12 comments:

Anne aka Anniescraps said...

I just had to say take your time, it is okay to be angery, it is okay to be heart broken and it is okay to take time to think things through. I've been there. Hugs and prayers of comfort for you and your family.

Leslie said...

I think maybe we should go to Walmart and pick you up a new uterus.
They sell them near the fish food.

Love you..have more than just 1 beer

michele said...

hugs. and hang in there. my sister-in-law has been trying for five years for their first, with no hope in sight, but she keeps the faith every month. a positive attitude goes a long way in keeping the body and spirit healthy. take your time to grieve and regroup; you need that more than anything right now. sending many prayers.

Karen said...

so sorry. hang in there.

Denise said...

I am so sorry to read your news. I have nothing to add other than I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

rendi said...

You know, I've been trying to come up with something encouraging, but I can't. It just sucks.

I'm so sorry....I'll be praying for you.

Kelly Noel said...

i think rendi said it best...it really does just suck. :(
xoxo

Zorina said...

oh dear...hang in there. i'm sooooo sorry to read this news.it made me more depressed. know that i've been in that position....what, 3 times and i can feel the pain that you and your DH are undergoing. i'll pray for God to give you strength and courage to face His trials. remember, that he doesnt give us something we cannot bear. In time, you'd find healing. keep the faith!they are plenty of other options, i'll email you later this week. promise. for now, this pan of brownies i baked tonight is for you! t'was good with that pint of Hagen-Dazz ice cream i bought to mend my little sadness this week. take care and hugs to you.

*reyanna klein* said...

Oh, Erika, I'm so sorry! So sad for you. Hang in there though! God has a plan for everything. :) You'll be in my prayers!

Allison said...

I'm so sorry. All of your feelings are so very valid and I hope that you give yourself time to heal and refocus. I wish you all theb best!

Tina Cockburn said...

I'm so sorry for your loss and sadness. Prayers for you and your family.

I've been down the infertility road and I'm familiar with what you're going through. It sucks. I'm so sorry.

BARBIE said...

words cannot express. I am so very sad for you but will continue to pray that god will reveal his plan to you three and hurry the heck up with it already!